On Winter Break, We Break In
by writerdragonfly
Summary: What started as friendship had turned into this, a mess of long concealed emotions Stiles hid behind a veiled smile for years. All of them leading here to Derek's loft to make the man breakfast. What the hell was he thinking?


Written for softlycanthropy on tumblr for the Sterek Haven Secret Santa.

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><p>It had been over a year since they'd done with the Nogitsune, but Stiles still felt its presence like a taint sometimes. There were days and nights where the idea of being alone inside his own head was too much. And there were days and nights where the idea of being around people who loved him was too much to handle too. But by some happy accident, he hadn't felt alone in a long time.<p>

That's how it had started, by accident.

He hadn't been seeking Derek out that night, or hoping someone would come to his rescue.

He'd just been stuck sitting there, paralyzed by the weight of things. He didn't remember pulling over to the side of the road; he didn't remember vomiting into the drainage ditch. He just knew that one minute he was on his way to check in on his dad and the next Derek was offering him a hand up with a strange look on his face.

It wasn't like before, that strange disconnect and lost time. It didn't feel the same, though a part of him was still terrified that the demon who'd crawled inside his skin and wore his face was back.

Derek hadn't really said anything, but Stiles got the picture anyway. Derek knew how this felt-not in the same way, perhaps, but it was enough. Derek could understand a part of him more than anyone else could.

It _evolved _ from there. It wasn't a sudden thing. It was slow. It was a slow burn, an achingly quiet smouldering thing between them

Looks turned to smiles; sardonic jokes turned to affectionate teasing. Silence turned to conversation

And somehow, Stiles found himself _wanting_ Derek in ways he'd never expected.

He wanted to kiss Derek and hold him and wake up next to hime and sleep with him and just _be_ with him.

It wasn't like he'd suddenly realized that he was gay or that he swung both ways. There were girls... and there was Derek.

And he was in love with Derek.

But Stiles would never say anything to Derek about how he felt. He couldn't.

Whatever relationship he had with Derek-however it could be described-bourne of guilt and mutual protection and genuine chemistry? It wasn't worth losing if Derek didn't...

So Stiles said nothing. Stiles did nothing.

He just... _okay, _he totally pined.

He wasn't sure if anyone noticed, but he knew that Derek hadn't.

Derek would have said something, he would have done something to make sure that Stiles knew where he stood either way. It was just part of who he was.

So Derek didn't know. And as long as he didn't, he and Stiles would be okay.

-x-

A few days before Christmas, Stiles ended up in Derek's loft again. It wasn't unusual or different. Stiles was on Winter Break from his senior year of high school, Scott was getting ready for breakfast with Kira and her parents, and his dad-okay, Stiles just wanted to hang out with Derek.

And so he was. He was at Derek's loft at nine in the morning pulling a tray of blueberry muffins out of the oven while Derek was still asleep.

Okay, so he felt a little bit creepy doing that. Who could fault him for coming over this early though? Derek was normally awake when he came in. Sometimes adorably sleep rumpled but, _still. _

Blueberry muffins were Derek's favorite. Muffin, in any case. And they were easy, because all Stiles did was open a packet, pour in some milk, give it a few stirs and then pour it into a muffin pan. Easy.

It did, of course, start giving Stiles time to worry over what Derek might say when he woke up. Because he did not start out this morning intending to inadvertently give Derek ILU cupcakes. He _didn't_.

When Derek walked into the kitchen, he was barefoot and shirtless. And his hair-Stiles wanted to comb his fingers through it. He looked half asleep still, and maybe a little _surprised_ to see Stiles in his kitchen.

"Sleep in long enough?" Stiles teased, feeling decidedly off his game. Derek rolled his eyes.

"Wasn't expecting an intrusion of Stiles and muffin. Might have slept harder." Derek replied, smirking at him as he snatched a muffin from the still hot pan.

"Lie! I know you love m-muffins."

So, he was very nearly a boat of fail right now. He was hopeful that Derek was too tired to notice.

"Yeah. _Muffins_. " There was something in Derek's voice when he spoke, but Stiles couldn't exactly place it.

The rest of the morning continued like normal after that, though that odd tone stayed in Stiles' head long after he left.

-x-

Stiles woke up early in the morning to the distinct clatter and grind of his window being opened. He may have flailed a little as he sat up to identify the intruder, but that wasn't something he would admit. Ever.

Derek was climbing in his window. Derek hadn't felt the need to sneak into his house in more than a year, so Stiles was more than a little confused. Especially since his dad was working the night shift tonight and Derek had no reason to, even if he was home. It wasn't unusual for him to come over this late, and even if it were, Derek had hands. He could totally knock.

"What are you doing here?" Stiles huffed out, squinting a little at him.

"We need to talk."

Oh. Derek knew. Great.

"Okay? Something happen?" Stiles tried to keep his voice steady as he asked, but he wasn't exactly sure if it came out that way.

"Everyone's fine, Stiles."

"Then what do we need to talk about at three in the morning, dude?"

"I... I think I need some space. From you."

_ What? _

"What?"

"Stiles, I like hanging out with you. I like doing shit with you, but I can't..."

"Dude, what the hell are you trying to say? Are the feelings bothering you?"

"Yes, the feelings are bothering me."

"Derek, I'll back off! I don't want to stop being your friend because of this-"

"I can't handle being around you when you don't feel the same way as I do. I get that you're only into girls, but I'm not. I'm in love with you and I-"

_ What the fuck? _

"You're in love with me?" Stiles asked, completely gobsmacked.

"Yeah, thank you for throwing that back in my face, asshole."

"I didn't fucking know, Derek! I thought you were freaked because I made you fucking muffins this morning and you realized I was in love with _you_."

Neither one of them spoke for a moment, just stared at each other in the dark bedroom, only lit up by the glow of the moon outside.

And then they met each other halfway in a hard kiss, teeth clacking against each other.

Stiles thought about how much he'd wanted this, he thought about how different Derek felt to a girl and how much he wouldn't want any other guy but him. Stiles thought about how far they'd come in the almost two years since they'd met.

And Stiles loved him, with all that he was. And proved it to him then.

They kissed for a long time. Derek held him pressed tightly against himself and Stiles could feel how much he was wanted. Derek could undoubtedly feel the same in return. But they didn't do more than kiss, more than make out on Stiles' bed in the middle of the night. They'd have other nights.

"Only you." Stiles whispered. He meant it. Only Derek.

"Always."


End file.
